I often contemplate what the meaning of the word "why" really is; I usually come to the conclusion that it means "what causes something" or what "motivates something to happen," if dealing with a person-- just like in this context-- for me.

What causes me to want to attend St. John's?

Essentially, it is the type of people I assume I will be surrounded by. The people I feel I will be surrounded by, I feel will enliven me, and make my college experience an exuberant one.

How will they enliven me? They will understand my ideas about things-- especially the ideas I'll likely have about the Great Books-- and hopefully be challenged by them. What's even better is that they'll likely be able to give me meaningful feedback, and even more, challenge me in return.

people-->the way they make me feel-->enliven, challenge me, liberate me, connect with me-->

these are all assumptions; what can I be CERTAIN that I will gain from St. John's?

No; I will get all these things from St. John's; however, it isn't the people that I will meet so much as the format that will be experienced.

Because of the way the Curriculum at St. John's is taught, it can be guaranteed that my ideas will be heard, taken in, challenged, and understood. Because of the strong philosophical slant of the Curriculum, I can be sure that I will have opportunities to analyze essential concepts of the universe-- for lack of a better word.

In what way will the Curriculum be taught that specifically guarantees this result?

Determination

Every time I make an effort to move forward-- a tangible effort-- to my true college education, I feel enlivened. I become determined. To be more specific, when I make a phone call to a college, and speak to an admissions counselor or something similar, I feel myself coming alive, because I've just tasted becoming my own person by making moves to strengthen the possibility of getting to a college that fits my needs and desires. That's what I want; that's what I need. I'm sick of feeling stuck, and the right college is going to be my cure.

I hate that I have excuses, for why I didn't begin my college journey the first time... during Fall of 2010. What is it about me that makes things so hard to put in to real play? I wish I wasn't so hesitant. I'm going to change that; I'm going to follow my gut, without hesitation.

I'm ready for college-- for real college. I'm ready to stay in dorms, to make connections with amazing people who share my mission-- the mission to adopt a role in this world-- one that's productive, and helpful, and filled with truth. I'm ready to to have intense class discussions and debates. I want to understand the world; I want to understand myself; I want to understand people, and profound elements of life, like Love and Hope and Truth and Destiny and Freedom... I seek, knowledge through understanding. I want to be a truly independent being.

However, as I see myself write these words, I see that I must, as usual, bring myself more back down to earth. I see that no college alone can just give me these things; I have to make it happen, but that doesn't mean that any college will do either. It has to be a college where I am surrounded by individuals with visions like mine, and highly supportive and inspirational faculty. I want to be somewhere where I feel like I am making something out of myself. I want to be somewhere where I am truly free to gain, apply, and share whatever knowledge I want. I believe I can achieve this at St. John's.

I figure that people with similar personalities and desires are generally drawn to similar colleges; this is a key notion to my college choice. I want to go somewhere where people ended up at that particular college because they were drawn to it for the same reason I was-- for flexibility, freedom of knowledge, and other endless opportunities. This the chance

Well, I told him I "seriously really like[d] him," when he was visiting. Him, our friend, and I were all in the movies. However, I still haven't told him that I feel really really strongly, and that I think of him everyday. I called him maybe 2 weeks ago or so, and he seemed pleased enough to hear from me, and normal enough (for us). I sent him a text the next day, (I think thats when,) and said I wanted to talk to him again. He asked when I am going to get my phone fixed. I told him I didn't know, but most likely within the next 2 weeks, and he didn't respond til a while after I sent him a later text message saying "I don't see why me not having my phone means we can't talk." and he responded with "It doesn't. I just think it would be massively more convenient if you had your phone."

I said I guess, and then (I think the next day or something), I sent him a text saying he needed to hear a certain song; he was drunk at a party, and texted so to me, with drunken typos... He said to send him that list of songs to hear I'm making for him. I said "Fine" I would, but that I'll be adding on to it forever. He never said anything else, and I'm trying to hide my attachment, so I left it at that. I haven't sent the list cuz I keep forgetting/don't feel like it.

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