why do i feel so alone? on the verge of tears.

i get hurt by things, and i notice this, and then the feeling seems to dissolve, but almost immediately comes back as immediately as it disappeared. then i can't shake it.

i just want to be alone, i just want to disappear. i just want to cry.

why do i feel so alone? i don't know if its because of my fears. i don't even realized how i attached i get, til i lose them.

fuck that. fuck it. fuck me. fuck you.

i'm tired of feeling so alone.

Isabel

i don't get why i do this to myself

am i incapable of feeling happy? jesus. why the fuck do i do this to myself? i don't need him. i get so attached. why do i let this happen? cuz its stimulating. its stimulating as hell. it's the only thing that stay stimulating forever. it's like it's what i'm meant to do. i'm meant to to chase some guy and fall in love and be heartbroken forever, and whine like some little bitch when he leaves me like i knew he would in the beginning.

why am i obsessed with whether or not he cares about me? it doesn't fucking matter. it doesn't matter. it won't change anything. not what's between us. so i've got to just... find something else. i need to make music. god damn i need to make music. why doesn't my mother get that? i've got to make music. NOW. NOW NOW NOW

i wanna write a story-- make a movie. what the hell IS stopping me? NOTHING!!!!! NOTHING but myself.

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