am i incapable of feeling happy? jesus. why the fuck do i do this to myself? i don't need him. i get so attached. why do i let this happen? cuz its stimulating. its stimulating as hell. it's the only thing that stay stimulating forever. it's like it's what i'm meant to do. i'm meant to to chase some guy and fall in love and be heartbroken forever, and whine like some little bitch when he leaves me like i knew he would in the beginning.
why am i obsessed with whether or not he cares about me? it doesn't fucking matter. it doesn't matter. it won't change anything. not what's between us. so i've got to just... find something else. i need to make music. god damn i need to make music. why doesn't my mother get that? i've got to make music. NOW. NOW NOW NOW
i wanna write a story-- make a movie. what the hell IS stopping me? NOTHING!!!!! NOTHING but myself.
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